HIS BELCH WAS WORSE THAN HIS MASSAGE!

Have you noticed the sudden mushrooming of massage spas everywhere? In a mall over here, they charge RM 10 for a ten minutes shoulder rub, RM 50 for 45mins of foot reflexology/massage up to calf area, RM 130 for a full body massage and RM 150 for a body massage plus an extra reflexology of the foot. No, I haven’t tried them though my mom says the foot reflexology is good. The masseurs are all young females imported from Bali. The ambience is typical of a spa salon, dimly lit cubicles with massage beds, aromatic incense burning and subdued soothing music playing in the background, a sure recipe to make anyone doze off in a jiffy. The music? Javanese gamelan of course!

Ask any adult Malaysians and I am sure many will say that they have had at least once being massaged by someone, professional or not. Asian women are renowned for being meticulous in post partum body care especially indulging them selves in daily body massage, several days after giving birth. Their masseurs are typically elderly ladies who incidentally have a common trait amongst them, i.e. the ability to gabble on any topic they deemed fit to sustain a person’s attention as many customers would prefer to lull themselves off to sleep whilst the masseur knead their knotted muscles. Of course, no masseurs would like the idea of working in balmy silence, lest they themselves would nod off too!

Masseurs employ certain style/pattern of kneading the body, slathering their customer with either a traditional minyak urut or for the more affluent ones, aromatic oil or creamy lotion. How do they acquire the skills? Many would typically say that it was simply passed down through the generation in the family but the flamboyant ones would offer intriguing tales of receiving the explicit art of massaging via a dream. Often I’d wonder whether the lesson was gotten all in a single dream or perhaps staggered in a series of dreams that probably stretched in a span of time. Non the less, I’d keep the query to myself, not wanting more barrage of hocus pocus being fed into my ears, as I prefer to relax without engaging in idle conversation.

Once, I was unfortunate to experience a weird kind of massage given by a kampong lady in Sg Bakap. Introduced by a friend and hoping for a good body massage, I was at her disposal. Horrors of all horrors, I had to withstand an hour of pinching actions and being a meek and polite person I am, I endured with great patience! Apparently, her pinching style of massage is good for the tired body. Needless to say, I ended with black and blue pinch marks all over! I did feel better but vowed to never use her service again.

Many traditional malay masseurs who specializes in the female reproductive organs would tell their customers that their pregnant wombs have ‘dropped’ and would do a maneuver to ‘push’ it up again. And each time I have to explain to these patients that their pregnant uterus has got no where to go except to stay put in the pelvis!

Others love to tell their customers that he/she has lots of ‘angin’ in their body and to prove that, they would belch rudely each time they knead your ‘angin’ laden body! Once, I had to accompany hubby to this pakcik masseur who belches incessantly the instant he touches your body. Hubby said that his massage was so mild/ gentle that he hardly felt a thing, almost like a faint rub. Like a dog whose bark is worse than its bite, for this pakcik, his belch was worse than his massage!

Of course there are good and effective masseurs around who would throw an advice or two as they do their work. However none can beat the young chap at Bukit Tinggi, Padang. Hubby gave him a ten and told me that none in Malaysia came as close as giving 10% effort when compared to this guy.

Also in Bukit Tinggi, my SIL and I decided to go for a full body massage accompanied with body scrub. When we were getting ready, changing into their robes, we were given ‘something’ to wear. When SIL asked me what it was for and whether we had to don it or not, I answered with a savvy tone, like a season spa-goer, “Oh, just cover your hair with it”, thinking it was to keep your hair in place. We had a good laugh when we found out that it was actually a disposable underwear!

Whatever, it is good to pamper yourself once in a while and indulge in a good session of body massage and foot work, immersing yourself in a balmy ambiance of sheer bliss!