THE PASSING OF ABAH

Abah is what I called my late father in law. He was a person with a strong personality and his presence would never go unnoticed. Through out my married life I have grown to love this man who was well reputed to not show his love and concern in the open but more in his gestures and in a diary (we only found this out after his demise).

Conversations and discussions with him can be a tad difficult at times but this was mainly due to his British education backgrounds having attained his basic degree in London , post-degree in Bristol and dip-ed in Kirkby, which caused him to frequently come up with archaic colonial ideas. None the less, there are topics which I find easily agreeable, a topic which he would rave on, that is, how practical and reasonable the British education system is or was, back then.

Abah had lived a long fulfilling life, just like his mother and his was a colorful one I daresay. Having a grand-father who was a warrior to the former Sultan of Pahang and a father who was a leader figure in Tembeling, Jerantut, Abah had no problem in continuing their legacy. However, Abah had to endure a relative difficult childhood as his father had died young , leaving behind a young wife, whom, due to some misunderstanding with her in laws, had decided to return to Kuantan, where her parents was, with her small son. Thus began, our renowned family saga of how Abah and his mother had traveled up the Pahang river on a small sampan for days, an embittered widow and an orphan who was clueless of what awaited him in Kuantan.

I know I am not the best person to write a bout Abah. I am writing bits and pieces of what he had oft-repeatedly told me. As I write I can still reminisce his voice, his gesticulations and his favorite phrase to reiterate his point: “Awak faham dok?’ or “Do you understand?’ when his British tongue got hold of him. After his heart bypass, Abah had sort of developed a coarse high pitched voice which stayed with him till his last breath. “Suara abah boleh baik tak Roza?’ “insyaAllah Abah tapi lambat sikit la’, I replied. During his final days, he phoned me to inquire about his hospital follow-up but I had difficulty in discerning his words. I knew it was exasperating for him and for me, too.

Whatever Abah lacked in bringing up his children, he squared it up on his grandchildren. He was a doting grandfather to my children, having looked after them when we were busy studying and working. Of late, he was so besotted with Hasya, hubby’s niece who lives in Kuching, that her phone-calls and home-coming would brighten his days. He waited eagerly for Hasya’s return few days ago, spent the night with her and breathed his last the next morning during his routine dialysis treatment. And I wonder if he had begged Allah swt to let him see his favorite grand daughter before he goes?

The morning that he would leave us, I had gone to fetch him for his routine dialysis. Due to a recent spine fracture, he was bed-ridden and couldn’t walk. We had to carry him from the room to the car. As I was lifting his body from the bed, he had held on tight to me a moment longer than usual. Was he trying to gesture his goodbye to me? Allahu’alam. I would like to think so.

Abah, forgive me for all the wrongs I have done you. May Allah swt bless your soul with His Rahmah and protect you from the fitnah of afterlife. Ameen.

*Abah passed away on Thursday 25th November at 11.20am. Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun

with Hasya

in Bristol?

with his cousin, Sarah my eldest and Amir my youngest bro in law

THE BLESSED ARAFAH DAY

To all muslims, let's join in this global prayer event on Wukuf day on 16th Nov at about 6pm local time. It's also sunat to fast on that day.

SEE HERE FOR DETAILS---->

THE DISAPPEARING ADAB

My eldest is into her second year of housemanship, leaving behind a year of tumultuous life, if you could consider it being a ‘life’at all, that is. No, I won’t delve on the intricacies of its hardship as it is all so notoriously known. I am sharing with you the current sad state of many young muslim doctors, who have conveniently abandoned the adab of associating with colleagues of opposite sex during work or otherwise. Sadly, it seems they have adopted a lackadaisical attitude in this issue; slapping each other playfully, making indecent jokes etc. It’s as if, these rulings don’t apply once they enter the professional realm.

By western standards, once a girl gets a job, she would automatically become self-sustaining and live a separate life of almost total oblivion from her parents. In Islam, we know this should not be the way. We (hubby and I) have imposed a ruling on our daughter, to inform us of her whereabouts each time she plans on going out of the hospital vicinity and alhamdulillah , she is comfortable with and has been abiding by it till today. Also, permissions have to be asked if she plans to go out with friends. I know many would be aghast by this and many of her friends have voiced their disapprovals, “Come on, you’re already 25! You don’t need parental consent to go out!” To this, I told my daughter, “Tell them : As long as you are not married, your welfare is you father’s responsibility and you are answerable to him till he gives your hand for marriage”

Recently she related to me that a male colleague chummingly asked her to join them to the movies and when she answered that she has stopped going to the movies and even when she did, it would be with her brothers, he retorted back in an almost disgusted tone, “You are so boring!” To which my daughter replied nonchalantly, “Yes, I am. So what?”
My response was: It’s better to be ‘boring’ in this world and not in the Hereafter!

Once, she was out with a girl colleague and unknowingly to her, the friend had invited some male colleagues to join, much to my daughter’s chagrin! When they were deciding a place to eat, she narrowed down all suggestions as we always reminded her to eat in only registered Jakim halal eatery. For this, she was mortified and literally humiliated as they laughed and looked down on her choice of venues to eat. After the incident she has ticked the girl friend off and warned her not to repeat the blunder again!

To all my friends out there, whose children are about to step into the world of housemanship or any other profession for that matter, you can never be too excessive in reminding them of what awaits them out there. You may have provided them with the best of Islamic values but the day to day exposure to the rough and tumble of working life may weaken their ‘shield’, make them forget their real purpose in life and lead them astray. Nau’zubillah!

ALLAH SWT berfirman:

Dan jangan lah engkau menurut orang yang telah Kami lalaikan hatinya dari mengingati Kami, lalu ia mengikutkan hawa nafsunya.” (al-Kahf: 28)

ALLAH berfirman lagi:

Maka berpalinglah engkau dari orang yang tiada mempedulikan peringatan Kami, dan ia hanya menginginkan kehidupan dunia semata-mata”. (an-Najm: 29)

ALLAH berfirman lagi:

“Dan ikutilah jalan orang yang suka kembali (bertaubat) kepadaKu.” (luqman: 15)