Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A DESPERATE PLEA

Dear Sofi and Sarah,


An evident drought has seized this blog and I am taking this opportunity to paw down a letter of laments. Since you've been gone from home, I have been severely suffering from a bad case of lack of tender loving care and warm strokes by you! You see, everyone is either too busy or too careless to even notice my depressed presence. They pass by me as though I am just a furry-orange ornament in the house. To them, the mere act of replenishing my biscuit bowl, suffice the requirements of preventing the RSPCA people from coming after them. I think it's time they enact an animal Act that says it's mandatory for a cat owner to at least stroke their cats twice a day!


Even worse, I have been grounded out of the house for the past few weeks for a crime I don't remember committing! Your mum (who owns this 'arid' blog) has conveniently accused me of urinating on a pile of fresh laundered clothes, a vice which I am unknown of executing before.Since I can't offer any good alibi, I am guilty as charged. KKL strengthened your mum's case further by suggesting that I have grown into a man cat which has developed a dire need to mark its territory. Thanks KKL for recognizing my maturity but can you please reserve your thoughts next time?

Now, I am most of the time, lazing either in the front or back porch, having to share what limited space available with Nahar the stray which has decided to permanently call this home, his! Remember how your mum used to praise that 'pariah cat'? How he feared to incur anyone's wrath by tip-toeing quietly around? How he dared not come near the house or touch even a speck of biscuit? Well, that Nahar Mr Libas (or Naharuddin as Muhammad fondly calls him) is no more. He has turned into a brazen fool, who would do his 'dirty dancing' by twirling his scruffy body and wagging his dirty blackened tail vigorously, brushing himself against anyone close by, causing them to shout at him in disgust! Your mum has definitely lost all respect for him and I can see the angst in her eyes each time Nahar behaves unscrupulously.

Since the day I was banned from getting indoors, there was no more suspicious urine odor tainting the clean clothes. Your mum is adamant that I am the culprit but I have my theory. I believe that there is an elusive rat in the house. Even Maman confessed of hearing it scurrying away in the kitchen, recently. However , I doubt that the rat was marking its territory. Senile incontinence was more like it, I daresay! My other worthy theory, would be that Nahar Mr Libas, who loves to wildly wag his tail against the clothes which are still on the line, might have accidentally (or even intentionally) sprayed his urine as well. Needless to say, I never trusted that scruffy vagabond from the day I set eyes on him.

How I miss your loving pat and stroke against my velvety coat which incidentally is turning coarse due to the dirt outside. I could always tell that you were pleasured by my purring against your brushing hands. Those were the fine days. Now that Aliah is back for the hols, I get a bit of pampering from her, albeit not much. Well you know how she is when she gets into one of her day dreaming moods. I can tell that her mind is somewhere else and the stroking gets meaningless.

So, I am begging you to call mum and persuade her to let me indoors again! By the way, your mum keeps on complaining that you don't call home that often. With Muhammad skype-ing her every other day, you're a definite toast, my dear! I know how expensive internet fees are at your place. Since, we have a well-known cosmonaut over there, maybe he can suggest to Putin to make internet free for the Malaysian students there? No?

I hope this letter gets printed in this blog for both of you to read. Typing with my paws is hard work. And you know how useless my left paw is. Since KKL introduced me with Royal Canine, I have gained weight, causing my left maimed leg to limp even more. Anyway, do take care of yourselves and bundle up for the winter. My regards to Sifi the turkish angora.

Meowly Yours,

Mayo Jr a.k.a. Tempang

20 comments:

hiyoshi said...

Dear Mr Kitty,

I see that you are a lonely creature in dire need of some good tender love and care.

Ever thought of going to see the Catwoman?

pycnogenol said...

Dear Hiyoshi,

I am indeed a limping and lonely creature, tapi saya redha....redha dengan takdir Ilahi...

I have no choice but to forget Catwoman. She's too busy chasing Cicakman.

Limpingly yours,

Meowing Mayo.

Mayo Menempang said...

Dear Hiyoshi and Pycnogenol,

I have heard a lot about both of you. Now that you've read my S.O.S. , do you think you could cajole my owner to let me indoors. It's getting cold now that monsoon has set.

pycnogenol said...

Mayo dear,
So have I. I've heard so much about you too. I've heard all the praises before this, and now, cruel accusations against you headed by Public Prosecutor DITH and assisted by KKL.

And you, poor Mayo. You are on your own, unrepresented. Much as you have raised some doubts to the Prosecution's case in your submissions, I think I need to hear and see more convincing evidence.

If I may ask,is it one of your fore leg or hind leg that's limping? IF it is one of the hind legs, then it would be almost impossible for you to raise the other good leg in order to "mark your territory". If I'm the Presiding Judge, I would throw out the case on just that very evidence alone!!!!

Do you mind posting your pic, focussing on your limping leg, for that would be good documentary evidence. Or better still, get yourself a good defence counsel.

Has said...

Roza, sampai hati you!!!

Just this morning in the car, DH told me he spend hudreds on cats' food, stocking for our absence.

Looks like our cats' food cost more than our food consumption. I kata ke DH, kita jual lah FUFA dan FIFI, ni anak Tutti yang lahir dua hari sebelum raya.

DH kata, tak boleh, sebab tiada orang yang akan sayang depa lebih dari kita. Nanti kucing-kucing yang bertuah dibawah jagaan kita ini akan jadi referee kat akhirat nanti.

Eh, biar betul. Ada ke dalil2 sebegitu ya?

KKL said...

Eh?!! Saya pulak?

Er, Mayo you also left out my other theory: other cats that came in the window and urinated on the clothes... aiyoyo apa macam ini Mawow Mayo??

Come on Mayo, be fair to Auntie KKL here, I always hugged you and played with you and even let you sleep on my bed when you stayed with us during the Raya hols (it got a bit crowded with 5 cats but never mind :) Uncle OK is normally fast asleep by then hehehehe). Remember us playing together with Lulu, Bubu, Jang Jang and Pongky? Remember how they got alarmed whe you started prancing and leaping about like an overgrown kitten (that was quite funny actually, you don't realise how muscular you look eh)? I remember you were quite good about 'doing your business' in the kitty litter too.. no mess around the house. I remember the loving and soulful looks Pongky gave you.. and her frustration that you did not return her affections. Hence I was quite happy that you had seemingly 'come into tomcathood' (does this sound like TomKat Cruise haha?) as this means that my lovely Ponks' affections might perchance be returned? Auntie KKL then can become Granny KKL??? Yes yes? I became a bit depressed after you left. Me and Ponky hugged and comforted each other.

As for you putting on weight dear, you simply need more exercise. Your beloved Pongky (who looks out the window everyday searching for you) is on Royal Canin too and she is one lean and mean kitty and she is totally indoors. Mayo, you need to find more sporty friends unlike the lounger and sponger Naharuddin! Start hunting down the rat and present the bangkai to your tuan(s).

p/s I was at your house 2 days ago and you lepaked in the house while I was there. Curfew dah lifted yea? :D

Queen Of The House said...

You catlovers are so entertainingly hilarious. I've got nothing to say, except that Mayo's relative(s) has(have) been attacking my laundry too, for some reason. Suka bau sabun & fabric softener kot.

Mayo Menempang said...

Mr Pycno,

My bad leg is the left front limb. Thus I can't give the excuse you've suggested. Actually I have lost all trust on defense lawyers. The one who represented me for my case against arwah runchang who maimed my leg, he screwed the case till arwah runchang was let off the noose, free! Btw, Runchang passed away at the zoo few mths ago. He refused to eat. iKelah was devastated. Runchang never had problems with eating when he was with us. Anyway, I have forgiven him.


Has,

I know you! Your Tuti told me, you're the best cat-owner any cat would one. Please adopt me ASAP!

KKL,

It was fun staying with you all that day but it was a big crowd. Me exercise?? You're kidding right? I can't even stand upright on all my four feet.But I am good at standing on my 2 hind legs, raise both my front paws to the side, and twist my neck to lick my back! That sure burns kj of calories for me!
As for the curfew, i'm not sure. It's when people like you come over that I get to sneak in and act bold, hehe

QOTH,

Exactly! it's a fact that cats love the smell of detergent on clothes!

mynn said...

gosh, i thought it was dith writing the above and imagine how my eyebrows went up at the "urinating on piles of clothes bit"!!!

i laughed throughout reading the entry. sarah and sofi you better rescue your cat!!!

Ponkey said...

Mawaw?

MJ.. how could you go for Sifi the Turkish girl when you have me Pongkey here! Waaaaaa!!!

Heartbroken

Mayo Menempang said...

Mynn,

Perhaps you can be one of the defense witness? Since it was possible for you to even think that this 'dith' person can urinate on a pile of clothes, than maybe you can persuade the jury to drop the case?

Pongkey,

How can I be smitten with you? I am your uncle, remember? It would be incest!! :))

pycnogenol said...

Mayo - No, no , NO! You may have made a grand limping entrance into the courtroom, but taking Mynn as your witness would be a dead wrong strategy. The judge and members of the jury might even see that as a challenge to their intelligence.

Much as it may be fun, hilarious and most of all satisfying and humiliating to see DITH being examined, cross-examined and re-examined on the very issue of 'urinating on the pile of clothes', and you may even persuade the court to get DITH to demonstrate how she managed to accomplish the feat, but the tables may very well turn on you.

You know how good an actress DITH can be. The culprit may instead win the sympathy of the jury and you may be limping to your cell. So think about it.

Pongkey - How could you even look at your uncle in such a manner? Ish...ish...ish...

Now go out there and get a life! If you're so desperate, even the Pariya Mr. Libas may not be such a bad idea after all. At least, that is halal :)

ikelah said...

pycno

mr Libas is longhair with persian blood running in him. the only problem with him is that he ,jalan kengkang, and lately likes to roll on the floor signaling us to stroke him before he starts to 'melibas'.

peah said...

wah .. this is hilarious!

i love reading it!

mayo, u really need the best lawyer in town to file your case.

ailin...in aalborg said...

Dear Mayo Jr. You are far better than Tinko, who gave a ringworm infection to Akif, causing him to have a bald spot until now!

ailin...in aalborg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pongkey said...

*making the famous Pongkey face*

My owner doesn't let me out since I almost died from cat flu a few months ago. I feel like Catpunzel now. The only male to come near me is Mayo... who reminds me of my dear dad Whirl (don't all females look for someone who remind them of their dad?) Jang Jang doesn't count as he is a mere slobbering kitten, though I have noticed that he is maturing nicely into a hunk. But still, puhleeeezzze, he's still a kid. Mayo is only my half uncle anyway (goodness knows what the other half is!) We have good genes, Mayo, we need to strengthen them. Whaddya say?

ifos said...

Dearest Mak, Abah, Aliah n Luqman,

Please listen to Tempang's desperate plea- we would like to see him fat, happy, n healthy next year to match Sifi's gigantic size. Hehehe...

Love, Sofi n Sarah.

ifos said...

And Tempang, we totally believe you're innocent.

simah said...

hahahahahaahahah u have one wonderful sense of humour la akak!! i soooo dearly pity tempang hahaha...it must be wonderful to have a hi tech cat...

dear tempang....be strong.... sofi n sarah will sureĊŸy come home next year... u shall have ur *sweet revenge* hehehehehe

akak..sekarang no cats r allowed into the house ker akak?

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