AMBIVALENTLY CHALLENGED!

I thank those who had given their thoughts and advice regarding my current predicament. When iKelah first embarked in this relief mission, I have often ruminated with the thought that this voluntary work of his will never cease as long as there are catastrophies and wars in this world. Subconsciously I was trying with much qualm to come into terms that I must be prepared to let him go for riskier engagements.

Since the devastating Tsunami that befell Acheh, it seems that the earth has become somewhat unstable. We'd never know when or where the next tetonic plates would move and cause another quake that would shake the richter scales by varying degrees. From the sea-bed near Acheh, the unstable mother earth had decided to shake it's contents unexpectantly, the next year, to the mountains of Pakistan. Hardly a year, another Tsunami raged again at Pangandaran, Jawa. Is Tsunami going to become a regular weather phenomena just like the tornados, floods and hurricanes? It just gives me the creeps when thinking of it!

But wait, GPM relief mission is not only about natural disaters. They have long involved themselves in areas of war zones. Few years back, they had sent medical aids to war-torn Afghanistan and Bosnia, to name a few. Now that Israel (and America) have gone all out to wipe Muslims in the Palestine and perhaps in other Arab nations as well, under the guise of whatever ridiculous reasons (WMD or not!), GPM would have to actively dispatch more and more volunteers.

Having being indirectly 'involved' in this relief 'business', I was often given the reassurance by iKelah that GPM is meticulous in ensuring the safety of its volunteers. Every mission would be initiated by a small group of 'experienced' personels who would do reconnaisance work and search for a safe but practical and reachable camp-site. GPM would never subject its volunteers to obvious risks, I was told. But of course, being the worrying-pot, I am always being hurled with the what-if questions. Truly, I am not that naive to believe that these relief missions are risks-free, especially in a war-wrecked land like Palestine where killing is the norm and peace is a rarity?



If I could, I'd chose an easy path out and say, "No, please don't go". But then, I'd have to live with a guilty conscience for the rest of my life and as it is, I've got enough of those "I should have" feelings in my emotional bag!



Presently, they are waiting for the first group of non-medical volunteers to search and survey Rafah, an Egyptian border town at the southern-most of Gaza strip. Their route would entail a 10 hours anticipated, arduous land journey to Rafah from Cairo. If this inital group finds it safe and feasible to set a medical camp to treat injured refugees, then GPM will start mobilizing it's volunteers in batches.

Inevitably, I can't stop iKelah from going if he wanted to. A man has got to do what he has got to do. But in my small heart, I still wish he doesn't have to.

Latest news yesterday, GPM will not send any medical relief YET since they have closed the borders at Rafah. So for the time-being, I continue with my ambivalent rumination....and guiltily and quietly give my sigh of relief.