Wednesday, November 09, 2005

REDHA

I don't know how to describe how today has been for me. Has it been bad? Has it been good? I don't know. The good thing is I fasted today, alhamdulillah. But what disturbed me are the things that occured within a short span of time, infact it was within 3 hrs! These things may be classed as small tragedies, depending on how you view them in their own perspectives.

I started working in the morning in the main clinic which means loads and loads of patients, alone! (usually it takes 2 doctors to cover the load but since some are still on raya leave, I have to bear the brunt alone!). Anyway after few antenatals, some ultrasounds, an Incision and Drainage (of left axilla- ouch, damn painful despite tonnes of Ethyl Chloride spray!) and endless URTIs, I managed to end the morning 5 minutes late! Rushed home for a short afternoon break and mingle with ikelah who happened to also spend his short break at home.

2pm, rushed back to the same clinic and began another marathon. 3pm, whilst engaging in doctor-patient consultation, the assistant interupted, "ada emergency doctor". I rushed next door. Saw a man bending over his already ashen-faced wife on the trolley. She was already gasping and breathing erratically, almost unconscious. One glance and I knew, death is at her door. But I need to resuscitate anyway.

Checked her pulse, can't feel. Pupils fixed and almost dilated. BP is unrecordable. Gasping. Opened her mouth, saw a white pill on her tongue, must be sublingual GTN. Reminded the husband to teach her the syahadah. Masked and bagged and proceeded with CPR. Tried to set IV line but all her veins were small and wirey and already collapsed. Gave her I/V adrenaline 1 ampoule but still the same.

Finally, 3.30pm, failed resuscation and pronounced her dead. Comforted the husband. I know I shouldn't have let him in the room during the resus but this clinic has been so patient-friendly that their kids can sit on my chair and tap the keyboard if they wanted to!

I was so drained out after that, I can't even manage to smile..my whole mind was covered with intense sorrow....

Finished at 5pm and rushed home. Promised mak (who is here) to go to Mak Teh's for tea. At 6pm, we started out. Barely 100 meters away, the accident occured. I was on the left side minding my own way. There were 5-6 motorcyclists hogging , idling, on the right side, none with helmets. Suddenly one of them who were facing the wrong way, swerved his bike to the left. right into my car! Bham!! His bike half went under and got stuck underneath. He managed to get up and limped a bit. I dare not go out fearing the damage he has done to my car. His pal asked me to reverse to let go off the bike. Stupidly, I followed. In the midst of confusion, the culprit got away, leaving us aghast. We tried to call them back but in vain. Worst still, we didn't get his plate number.

The question is, should I make a police report? I called the traffic seargent and he said since I don't have the plate number, the only insurance I can claim is my own! Which is not worth the trouble. Even then, if I had his number, I doubt that his bike is insured at all! So either way I lose!

The damage? My front number-plate is broken into pieces. The right-side lamp is broken. The front bumper has a hole on the right side . Estimation? I don't know. (maybe I should take pics of the damages and post it here, eh?)

So how would you describe my day?


I can't write long for this entry. My car was just being hit by a bike ridden by one of the many reckless kampung boys here.. I didn't manage to get his registration number and he sped away guiltlessly.Feel so down. Ironically I just commented on Nurelhuda's site regarding acceptance and redha. So this is Allah's test for me. Salams everyone!

158 comments:

Nurelhuda said...

Dr Roza
The same thing happened to me in Masjid Tanah some time ago! Even though I got the license plate and reported , police did nothing to trace the fellow. For me accidents , small ones are kifarat that prevent the bigger ones from happening so I always say, Ya Rabbi thank you that is is not a big accident and no one got hurt!Hope you recover your spirits soon!

dr in the house said...

Thanks Suriya for reminding me...I know I should always think that way i.e. ada hikmah sebalik dugaan ini semua..but always forget and gets disturbed easily

P5 said...

drroza, its always useful to keep a lastik in the car... or anything that can inflict equal amount of pain from a distance. me? i dont have a lastik in the car but i'd just be as happy to chase that bugger down and run him over.. twice!

if that fails, then i go to plan b. istighfar byk2. dont remind me. i know it's not in the right order.

pycnogenol said...

So sorry to hear that drroza. Under the circumstances, there's nothing much you can do really, unless you can identify who that kampung boy is.
In your case Nurelhuda, you shouldnt just stop at that. If the police did nothing to trace the fellow, you can do the search at the JPJ. I've done that once, and they were quite cooperative, so long as you can give the plate number and other relevant particulars - colour, jenis kereta or motor etc. Give all those info of the owner of the vehicle and his address(obtained from JPJ) to the police. If they still fail to take action, report the matter to Bukit Aman ,perhaps?
If the damage to your vehicle is serious, I'm sure you want to report the accident to your Insurance company.
Back to drroza - doa orang teraniaya bukan kah tiada pendinding nya? Having done all that, then REDHA !!

Nurelhuda said...

To answer your question Dr Roza, I would say it was an exceptionally full day, with so many dramas that it would make the night time, like now so much more sweeter that you are home and your children are well and you and your husband is safe .I ask Allah now to give you peace and reward you for all the mishaps that happen and compensate for your sadness and your loss.
Pycno I will bear that in mind next time it happens , hopefully it will not happen again. I had to have my bumper changed and that was all the damage that happened.It was worse the first week I got the car, my husband used the car to fetch my daughter and a kerbau ploughed into the car and what with the mud and the crinkled bonnet, it simply broke my heart to see my new car in such a shape..I had my cry, I washed the car from its mud and waited for it to get repaired ..how can I seek damage from a kerbau that probably died hitting my car...??

inositol said...

So so so sorry to hear about your mishaps, and all these in one day??? How often do you have this kind of days in a month or a year, as a doctor? I am referring to the patient dying in front of you, not so much the motor vehicle accident. How's your mum, by the way? Hope she has recovered from the shock.
Nurelhuda has a point there. Be thankful that you and your family are safe and sound. There is no price for that.
You go and have a good rest now. Take care, dear.

kenakelayan said...

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un.. and this is for both of your mishaps today. I think definitely this is a test for you, the minute you realise something that you want to change (ie being more redha) that's when your resolve is tested. InshaAllah a lot f good will come out of this. In the meantime, why don;t you do something to cheer yourself up? Eat cheesecake or play with the cats, perhaps?

Has said...

dear rosa,

DH is darling husband, hehehee, i love him 97% of the time.

Gano, really helps, but could not be generalised to everybody. Kena ngam dengan orang tu, ada element harmony and spiritualism. Bila mengena, boost up vitality and sexuality esp for females. The counterpart probably have to take the equivalent such as Ali's tongkat :-).

The 3 in 1 drink of the brand that i take gives lots of energy and concentration for night prayers. In fact it was recommended to me by wife of a spiritual person. She herself benefited by losing 10kg and blood sugar from 16 to 6 and cholesterol back to normal. The husband speech increased in quality from previous years from reading and contemplations.

Not to be recommended to your patients sebab nanti u go into trouble pula. As with homeopathy treatment, the mushroom gets into your body, do the intial scanning and brings out your covert illness. I came out with severe pain and swelling of left ankle, was limping for one month, but the outcome is well worth the suffering.

chow, will be busy this weekend. however judging from your photo, you don't need it for slimming, but if you have fatigue and not much interest in you know what, well worth trying....

from one healer to another :-).

OOD said...

i thought doctors shouldnt feel so much, how do you cope with so many sufferings and death and then your own little dramas?

hope you are feeling better.

P5 said...

ah.. there's a group of them, eh? ikelah and u should go around the kampung armed with a camera and take photos of all the bikes. then maybe you'd recognise which one the culprit(s) was.

a police report must be made, regardless u have the license plate number or not. and if you managed to find the culprit, make a parent report. i've solved a few problems by threatening to report to their parents!

Nurelhuda said...

I m sure Dr Rozq will reply to Ood but here is my reply. It used to be I identified so much with my patients that I brought home a huge pile of chips on my shoulders everyday.I learned to detach actually and you know what, when we are able to detach from other people's emotions, we also learn to detach from our own..it is not being unfeeling, it is holding sympathy and empathy and being supportive without being reactive

Queen Of The House said...

Detaching from your emotions must be very difficut, something I am sure I'll never be able to do successfully. But I am not a doctor. Anyway, as students, are doctors taught (as in a specific course)on how to handle their emotions and on other psychological aspects?

DITH I must say your day was exceptionally difficult (by my standards), but I hope by now your spirits are up.

bergen said...

We are only human afterall.

OOD said...

too detached pon susah jugak ye tak? Sometimes doctors forget that they are treating patients not mere sicknesses.

susahnya jadi doktor!

arent u overwhelmed with the trusts and hopes put on you, to you, from us patients?

you know my topi is always off for you lot.

dr in the house said...

Ood, Nurelhuda, QOTH, Bergen- Frankly, I daresay I have some degree of capability to detach myself from all these...my grief was brief but very intense whilst it last..so it does affect my emotions for the next couple of hrs..but the recovery is fast...only that I had to face another mishap within 3 hrs, that's what makes it prolonged. And Nureluda had said it well...but how do you really detach from your own emotions? Now that's pretty hard to do eh?

p5- hmmm thanks for the suggestion, tapi kawe takut kang puak2 tu nampak D50 tu , habis die kerjakan...

dr in the house said...

pycno and inositol- sorry to pair both of you again but you both are so blog-compatible, heheh. Thanks for your sympathies and advice. No fortunately I dont get such incident that often , alhamdulillah. But once I get it , it's so great an impact. They don't really teach us to detach our emotions in Med school. You acquire it along the way especially during housemanship when you see death almost everyday!

Has said...

rosa, i am back here again, detachment is an important facet in spiritualism. I was not aware of this until the mat salleh counterpart spelled it out to mem many years ago.

completed my work for today and waiting for opis tu tutup.

has

dr in the house said...

You know what Has? You must hit it well with Nurelhuda...she's into spiritualism as well! Still one of you must elaborate how detachment becomes an important part of spiritualism...I am shallow when it comes to such matters..:(

Best nya dah habis kerja! Balik awal eh?

Nurelhuda said...

Ood,
The unfeeling type of detachment is not detachment. In order to detach we much first be attached, in the case of coldness , there is no attachment at all.
Patient's trust? Frankly I place the ball back in their court. My style would be educate and empower and give choices.And if my patient came in just to talk, I listen.
When I make a mistake in judgement over patient's management..that is my worse nightmare, thankfully with experience and the developing intuition this becomes less and less.
Dr Roza, feelings should be felt, so it is good that you expressed in and let yourself feel it, and then because you have allowed yourself the full amplitude of the emotions, they go , leaving the depth of the pool calm and joyful...

crimsonskye said...

*hugs* hope you're feeling much better.

dr in the house said...

Crimson- thanks for the hugs...muahhhs..hehhe

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